English Writing - 13

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

[Drafting]

In my opinion, success in life can be achieved by taking risks. risks mean there is a gap in something between the normal view and a different view. 

Someone who is a huge success usually could see a chance to make money. When there is a chance somewhere, it means that no one has tried it, and it is not an easy challenge. 

And these people had another skill to analyze how this risk is big. So they could avoid big failures. This is a reason why they survived. 

Lastly, If you choose a comfortable path, there are a lot of people like you and then you can't get your share even if you are successful, because there are a lot of people who want to get their own.

As mentioned earlier, I think that risks inevitably have great rewards, but comfortable paths are difficult to succeed because there are many competitors. But you should have the ability to analyze and avoid risks, not just choose them.

 

[Tutor Revision]

In my opinion, success in life can be achieved by taking risks. Risks mean there is a gap in something between the normal view and a different view.

Someone who is a huge success usually could see a chance to make money. When there is a chance somewhere, it means that no one has tried it, and it is not an easy challenge.

And these people had another skill to analyze how this risk is big. So they could avoid big failures. This is a reason why they survived.

Lastly, if you choose a comfortable path, there are a lot of people like you and then you can't get your share even if you are successful, because there are a lot of people who want to get their own.

As mentioned earlier, I think that risks inevitably have great rewards, but comfortable paths are difficult to succeed because there are many competitors. But you should have the ability to analyze and avoid risks, not just choose them.

[Comment]

The overall development and organization for this writing was great. There were two capitalization mistakes so just be aware of the mistakes the next time you write. You did make less mistakes compared to the last one. Great job and keep up the good work!