English Writing - 15

Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

[Drafting]

I agree that the automobile has developed our environment. and the automobile is not the only category of the product but also our best invention. 

First, the automobile allows people to be anywhere. So people can go to other cities and other countries. 

Second, the automobile makes a new industry paradigm. Many companies use automobiles to operate their own business. 

Third, the automobile industry creates a lot of jobs. In the world, There are a lot of employees who work at the company related automobile. 

In conclusion, even though there were some incidents with automobiles, I believe the automobile makes people more comfortable and richer. 

 

[Tutor Revision]

I agree that the automobile has developed our environment. The the automobile is not just a only category of the product but also our best invention.

First, the automobile allows people to be anywhere. So people can go to other cities and other countries.

Second, the automobile makes a new industry paradigm. Many companies use automobiles to operate their own business.

Third, the automobile industry creates a lot of jobs. In the world, there are a lot of employees who work at the company related automobile.

In conclusion, even though there were some incidents with automobiles, I believe the automobile makes people more comfortable and richer.

 

[Comment]

For this writing, you've made three simple mistakes. One was a phrasal one. When you want to state strongly about something, you can say not just 00 but 00. The other two were regarding capitalization errors so just check my comments regarding those. Amazing job!