English Writing - 22

Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

I think a high-paying job is more valuable than a lower-paying job for me. Even though I don't have enough time with my family, I can get a chance to make our family happier. First, if you don't have a job to make enough money for your family, you and your family will be poor. Even though you can have time to do with your family, Ironically you can't do with your family without money. Second, with a high-paying job, you can achieve early retirement. Then you can get a more familiar life with your family. In conclusion, getting a high-paying job is the same as making a dream life.

 

You really have good organization skills regarding any TOEFL topic. For the actual test, you should try to add more details to your sentences because for this writing, there were not enough details. You only made two grammar mistakes and both were about capitalization. Be sure to put lower case in the middle of a sentence unless it is a proper noun. Keep up the good work!