English Writing - 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

[Drafting]

I believe that in high school, students should be allowed to take the classes they want. From the time they graduate high school, they are adults and this is their last period of preparation as adults. Therefore, they should take the classes they believe would be beneficial to society when they think about it.

Firstly, quite a number of high school subjects are not directly or indirectly meaningful when one enters society as an adult. For instance, for a student aiming to pursue engineering in college, mathematics holds more significance than music. On the other hand, subjects like mathematics or history might not hold any meaning for a student who aspires to become a fisherman as soon as they become an adult.

Secondly, in most countries, high school is often the last opportunity to receive education at a relatively low cost before entering society. Education after becoming an adult usually requires a substantial financial investment, so one has to bear significant costs to take the classes they desires.

Therefore, I believe that, as mentioned earlier, students should be given the freedom to choose their subjects in high school, where they can take meaningful classes at a low cost.

 

[Tutor Revision]

I believe that in high school, students should be allowed to take the classes they want. From the time they graduate high school, they are adults and this is their last period of preparation as adults. Therefore, they should take the classes they believe would be beneficial to society when they think about it. Firstly, quite a number of high school subjects are not directly or indirectly meaningful when one enters society as an adult. For instance, for a student aiming to pursue engineering in college, mathematics holds more significance than music. On the other hand, subjects like mathematics or history might not hold any meaning for a student who aspires to become a fisherman as soon as they become an adult. Secondly, in most countries, high school is often the last opportunity to receive education at a relatively low cost before entering society. Education after becoming an adult usually requires a substantial financial investment, so one has to bear significant costs to take the classes they desire. Therefore, I believe that, as mentioned earlier, students should be given the freedom to choose their subjects in high school, where they can take meaningful classes at a low cost.

 

[Comment]

Besides the one subject verb agreement mistake, this writing was perfect! You only need to add -s at the end of verbs for three-person singular present tense verbs. Amazing job with this writing!