English Writing - 8

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

[Drafting]

This topic is challenging, but money is not the most important thing to get a job because getting money is just a result, not a cause. 

Interesting is the most important thing to get a job. a person who is interested in the job he has may have passion for the job. It is one of the reasons for keeping his job and then money will be followed. 

Doing something well is also an important thing. people who want to get a job should analyze their talents properly. and then they can get a suitable job and then also money will be got.

In conclusion, I disagree with this statement. and I believe interesting and talent are more important than money.

[Tutor Revision]

This topic is challenging, but money is not the most important thing to get a job because getting money is just a result, not a cause.

Interest is the most important thing to get a job. A person with interest in the job has passion for that job. person who is interested in the job he has may have passion for the job. It is one of the reasons for keeping his job and then money will be followed.

Doing something well is also an important thing. People who want to get a job should analyze their talents properly. Then then they can get a suitable job and then money will follow. money will be got.

In conclusion, I disagree with this statement. I believe interest and talent are more important than money.

[Comment]

Again, you have really good ideas for the topic. However, besides the topic sentences and the thesis statement, you need to add more details and be a bit more elaborate in the writing. There were a few grammar mistakes but all were different, so check my comments regarding them. Amazing job!