English Writing - 7

-Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

[Drafting]

In my opinion, Children should help with household tasks as soon as possible because this kind of work is not only learning how to clean the house but also learning how to live within the community such as a family, society, and so on.

firstly, There is no place to learn how to clean their place properly without from their parents. before coming out from the house to the world. Children should learn about that. and then they can do that out of the house. 

Second, it is not just learning something process. It is a kind of learning how to communicate or deal with other people. through doing this with my family, they can learn how I can behave in that situation or how I can do it in that place. it is important because there is no person who wants to teach this thing to an unknown child. 

Therefore, I think the child must do housework as soon as possible for the big goal of the child's independence and sociality.

 

[Tutor Revision]

In my opinion, children should help with household tasks as soon as possible because this kind of work is not only learning how to clean the house but also learning how to live within the community such as a family, society, and so on. Firstly, there the place to learn how to clean properly is from their homes. is no place to learn how to clean their place properly without from their parents. Before entering society, children should learn the basics and they can learn it from their homes. coming out from the house to the world. Children should learn about that. and then they can do that out of the house. Second, it is not just learning some process. It is a kind of learning about how to to communicate or deal with other people. By doing this with family, children can learn how to behave in certain situations or how to do certain things. doing this with my family, they can learn how I can behave in that situation or how I can do it in that place. It is important because there is no person who wants to teach this thing to an unknown child. Therefore, I think the child must do housework as soon as possible for the big goal of the child's independence and sociality.

 

[Comment]

The organization of the writing was okay, but there were a few punctuation mistakes in this writing. Be sure to capitalize the first letter in the beginning of a sentence. Also, it's better to connect similar ideas together with conjunctions instead of separating the sentences with no specific subjects. You should check my comments for the specifics. I do agree with your statements because children should learn the basics at home. Anyways, keep up the great work!