English Writing - 10

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

[Drafting]

I disagree with the idea that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Here are simplified reasons:

Biodiversity and Ecosystem Health: Protecting land for endangered animals is crucial to keep nature in balance. Losing species disrupts ecosystems.

Economic Benefits: Preserving natural habitats can boost economies through eco-tourism and research.

Ethical Responsibility: Humans have an ethical duty to protect other species and rectify past harm.

Climate Change: Conserving natural lands helps fight climate change by storing carbon.

In conclusion, while human needs are important, we must prioritize saving land for endangered animals to maintain biodiversity, ensure ethical responsibility, and combat climate change.

[Tutor Revision]

I disagree with the idea that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Here are simplified reasons:

Biodiversity and Ecosystem Health: Protecting land for endangered animals is crucial to keep nature in balance. Losing species disrupts ecosystems.

Economic Benefits: Preserving natural habitats can boost economies through eco-tourism and research.

Ethical Responsibility: Humans have an ethical duty to protect other species and rectify past harm.

Climate Change: Conserving natural lands helps fight climate change by storing carbon.

In conclusion, while human needs are important, we must prioritize saving land for endangered animals to maintain biodiversity, ensure ethical responsibility, and combat climate change.

[Comment]

Amazing job on making no grammar mistakes for this writing! However, since this is practice for TOEFL writing, you need to follow the basic format for TOEFL a bit more. The TOEFL suggests an Independent Writing that is 300-325 words, but I recommend writing 350-400 words. Also, the best structure for the Independent Writing Task is to write four paragraphs: an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. You've wrote many different simplified reasons, but try to group similar ideas into two body paragraphs and elaborate a bit more regarding the topic sentence. Great job!