English Writing - 17

“When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

 

[Drafting]

In my opinion, success is made of passion, effort, and luck, not only hard work. So only doing hard work can not make you successful. 

Firstly, there are a lot of rich in the world. most of them told the audience that how could they get success is a coincidence. what this means is they had a chance accidentally. 

Second, Some researchers said that the people who can do anything hard have the germ of passion and endurance. this means what they can do consistently is luck. 

Finally, Some people were born in advanced countries and Others were born in developing countries. If both of them tried to do something hard, were it same results? I think it was no.

As mentioned earlier, I think that having success is made of passion, effort, and luck. But Above all, luck seems to have the biggest impact. 

 

[Tutor Revision]

In my opinion, success is made of passion, effort, and luck, not only hard work. So only doing hard work can not make you successful. Firstly, there are a lot of rich in the world. Most of them told the audience that how they could they get success is a coincidence. What this means is they had a chance accidentally. Second, some researchers said that the people who can do anything hard have the germ of passion and endurance. This means what they can do consistently is luck. Finally, some people were born in advanced countries and others were born in developing countries. If both of them tried to do something hard, will they have same results it same results? I think not. was no. As mentioned earlier, I think that having success is made of passion, effort, and luck. But above all, luck seems to have the biggest impact.

 

[Comment]

Overall, the development for this writing was great. You've stated some excellent opinions saying that success requires lots of different things rather than just hard work and I agree with you on this. Since this is practice for TOEFL, it would have been much better if you could have added a bit more detail to your topic sentences. Writing more will give you extra practice and if you practice more, there's a higher chance of you to get a better score on your actual test, so try to elaborate more next time. There were a few grammar mistakes so be sure to check my comments regarding those. Great job!